So on Friday the sun came out. Big deal? The thing is good old England hasn’t had any sun for a whole year, it’s been grey skies, rain, snow, and more grey skies; did I mention grey skies? Anyway; so I decided to ditch my lovely companion the trustworthy winter coat and go out and about in the sun for a change.
Outside was a picture of true bliss; sunshine, blue skies, fully blossomed daffodils and dandelions and the smell of sun, grass and spring. At this point I would like to add that the weather was warm but not warm enough to be out in just a t-shirt and jeans; you’ll see why I’m making this point soon. So I was walking along enjoying all the flowers feeling like I’d just come out of hibernation after a long and dreary winter when complete and utter sight pollution entered my visual fields. She was in her late thirties in denim hot-pants, flip flops, and a tank top that was way too low for anywhere other than the bedroom. On top of the over-exposure of flesh; the woman had lathered herself in an obese-overdose of fake tan, hence turning her orange – best described as jaundice gone wrong with a hint of tango. She looked utterly ridiculous, I actually cringed when I saw her .
That wasn’t all; the more I walked the more sight pollution I came across. A man in his twenties topless with his jeans low; now I don’t have much of a problem with low jeans, but this guy’s butt-crack was on full display. Did I mention Gross? Also; love-handles leakage – not cool. Teenage girls in mini-skirts and torn pieces of material – which they classify as tops. Do I sound old now?
Seriously? I understand that the sun comes out after a whole year but I don’t appreciate the over-exposure around here; does this happen in other countries? Maybe people around here just get so excited to see the sun they decide to strip and it’s some sort of sunshine-celebration ritual…..God knows. Anyway, I’m sure Mother Nature is pretty pissed off with you over-exposing orange people ruining the view.
Anyhow cutting a rant short. If you’re British, and reading this; please save the over-exposure for the beach, and try and understand the weather in England cannot be classified as hot – other than the 2 days a year of ‘heat wave’ that we get. Furthermore; if you use more than your fair share of fake tan – please stop, it makes you look like you’re in the final stages of acute liver failure and have been tangoed all at the same time. And finally, if you’re one of those people who pollutes innocent people’s visual fields and who also abuses fake tan and you’re offended by this post; feel free to vent in the comments section below.