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Escape

March 12, 2011

So I decided to set ten minutes on the timer and type whatever came to my head, a sort of freestyle; and heres what I ended up with:

Take me away.  Anywhere but here, that’s where I want to be.  Walking the streets aimlessly at stupid-o-clock at night; everything looks so different in the dark.  The cars with their bright headlights look phantom-like and I stare at them and wonder where they’re heading.  People passing me by look secretive, some in a rush, some walking like their being replayed in slow-motion mode.  The rain comes down not in drops but in a hazy spray of minute particles.  Things lack clarity.

Now I’m turning a corner into Unknown Street.  Attempting to avoid stepping on the cracks in the dark is an impossible task; I’ve stepped on 4 already.  If I’ve stepped on an even number by the time I reach the end of the road, I will turn left, if I end up with an odd number I will turn right.  Am I getting further?  Red phantom car why are you slowing down?  Please keep driving I do not wish to communicate at this point in time.

Take me away.  I end up at the same spot as always; in between the pages and amongst line after line of words.  They draw me in and take me away; give me a new realty, and suck me into another dimension.  I am invisible, I watch characters and their lives, I hear conversations, and I witness murders.  My physical shell remains in the world but my inner self passes the barrier into this new dimension of words, and there I stay until the words run out.

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Mocha and random thoughts

March 8, 2011

That time between 6-7pm on a Sunday evening where everything looks deserted, the shopping centres close and the streets look lifeless.  Where do all the people go?  Around the same time, coffee houses, pubs and restaurants are greeted with an influx of people with their friends and families, laughing and gossiping and treasuring the carefree moments spent together before the tedious week begins again.

So there I was, 6.30pm on Sunday evening sitting in a coffee shop with a friend; the most amazing mocha in front of me along with a slice of cake, bliss.  The atmosphere was laid back; music playing in the background, the sound of people talking in groups and laughing, the sound of coffee cups and spoons, the sound of happiness.  There was a middle-aged couple talking and smiling over some coffee; probably married I assumed.  A group of four not-boys but not-yet-men were sitting around one of the tables looking around to catch sight of something pretty.  Laugher erupted from a group of women in their twenties from a nearby table.

Halfway through my amazing mocha (trust me it was the most amazing mocha in the world!) I noticed an elderly lady on her own heading my way.  Her coat was torn and on her arm, hung a rapidly ageing handbag.  Her legs were swollen, and her feet were stuffed into shoes that looked like they had walked to Australia and back.  Her faced was wrinkled heavily, and her eyes were dull like the life had been drained out of them from all the sorrows in life.

She sat down on the table next to me in a position opposite me on her own, a lone cup of coffee in front of her.  She drank in silence, her eyes fixed to a spot on the table and her expression unchanging, unsmiling.  Around her, the coffee house buzzed with smiles, talk and laughter.  And there she was in the middle of the coffee house, alone, unnoticed, and unacknowledged.

I can’t explain why she stood out to me, but she did.  She brought with her something that was directly opposite to the atmosphere in the coffee house at the time, I wondered where she came from, where she would go and what her story was.

5 Stages of death AKA pre-examination-stress-disorder

March 2, 2011

So last year during my finals I was sitting there in front of a big stack of books thinking about the five stages of death/grief.  No it wasn’t on my syllabus and it wouldn’t be on any of the exams I don’t know why I was thinking about it.  Anyway, using my time oh-so-productively, I managed to turn the 5 stages of death framework into the 5 stages of pre-examination-stress-disorder (yes I just made up my own disorder).  Students, you may (or may not) relate to this:

Stage 1. Denial – The exams are a whole 2 weeks away!  That’s a lot of time to learn everything I was meant to have learnt this year.  I’m very prepared.  Yes of course I’m prepared, and plus 2 weeks is more than sufficient time to prepare even if I wasn’t prepared.  See all of those other crazy students studying day and night in the library?  They’re all stupid; we have a whole 2 weeks!!!

Stage 2. Anger – Why is this happening to me?!  Stupid exams!  Couldn’t they give us more notice?  They could have given us the examination timetable a year in advance, which would have helped.  I blame the university.  Idiots!  Why couldn’t I have taken my lazy ass down to the library and studied night and day?!  GRRRRRR! 😡

Stage 3. Bargaining – Dear God, if you help me to pass these exams I will give my entire life savings to starving people.  I’ll make  them build prayer rooms throughout the campus!  Just help me pass these exams please please please!

Stage 4. Depression – I’m doomed.  Nothing I will do now will save me; there is no hope at all.  I’m utterly screwed; failure is just around the corner.  I’ll fail and get kicked out and then I’ll spend life picking up litter from the street for a living.  Why don’t I have a brain?  I’m the dumbest person in the world and life is a disaster. 

Stage 5. Acceptance – Oh hello exam.  Well I’ve read the book, and the journals and I’ve tried reading the lecture notes but I couldn’t read my own handwriting.  So here I am, still alive.  There’s no way I can avoid you I’ll just have to do you and see if we can make this relationship work.  Hopefully afterwards you’ll award me enough marks to pass with the highest grade.  Ok ok fine, second highest grade?  Ready, set, go!

Bulletproof

February 18, 2011

At first I thought you were on my side.  All of you watched me as I took the first step on the ladder and started climbing up towards something amazing.  You smiled; I smiled back and continued climbing.  I thought you were supportive and encouraging, I thought you wanted to be a part of my journey.  Every step was a struggle for me and required the whole of my strength but I kept on going and you kept on watching.

I started noticing the smiles on your faces morph into grimaces and scowls as I climbed higher.  You then started throwing taunts up towards me and as time went by, they increased in intensity to a point where I thought they would knock me off the ladder.  Your scowls intensified into hideous expressions and your gaze displayed pure hatred.  What had I done that was so wrong?  I started to ignore you and continued to climb; my destination remained my aim regardless of your perverse behaviour.

I climbed higher you threw more taunts at me hoping to knock me off balance.  You then started shaking the ladder, hoping I would fall.  I felt lightheaded and tired my progression up the ladder became increasingly challenging but I summoned all my strength and increased my pace and climbed, praying that I wouldn’t fall.  Your taunts were deafening, and you shook my world to a point where I was in a state of permanent dizziness. Now that I’ve reached a point where I’m closer to my destination, you’ve resorted to shooting me.  I am so high up that I cannot see your ugly faces with those hideous expressions anymore; but I can hear machine guns going off from time to time and the sounds of shots going off on a regular basis.  You want to shoot me, terminate my mission and turn me into nothingness.  Well guess what?

Fuck you I’m bulletproof :mrgreen:

Still I climb.

Think

February 16, 2011

The tumbling of the towers triggered a lethal domino effect.  Accusations were thrown from west to east, and east to west.  Lack of concrete evidence was an important factor which was ignored completely.  Who killed who, and who had “weapons of mass destruction”?  The media got into gear, the propaganda came into play and a mass brainwashing was initiated through the devil that is the media.  Troops were sent to the Middle East, they were told they were ‘fighting for their countries’ when in true fact they were involved in the mass massacre that had been initiated.  Families were torn apart, lives were lost, dreams were broken and a land full of physical beauty and rich in Middle Eastern culture was slowly destroyed.  The dying shadow of the unfulfilled promise of peace crept in the background waiting for acknowledgement but it received none. 

Daily news flashes in the Western world displayed the following:

“Fight against Terror”

“America under threat of Terrorism”

“More people arrested under the Terrorism Act”

“Security at airports and train stations raised in case of threat”

It was made out that we were all victims, the government was helping us, more security was everywhere, and the Middle East was labelled as a breeding ground for terrorists.  Our troops were in the Middle East combatting terrorism and attempting to improve the quality of life of the people there.

A newscaster in Los Angeles shared the information about the increase in troop numbers that would be sent to Afghanistan in order to combat terrorism with a grim expression.  The western world listened to this and felt victimized, they had become victims of terror and threat.  Meanwhile in Kabul Afghanistan, a 7-year-old boy in Kabul was doubled over crying and telling the still body of his father to wake up.  In the distance he could hear the sound of guns going off, the air around him was heavy with the stench of gunpowder.  His father would never wake up again because he had been brutally slaughtered by the same troops that were out there fighting for our countries, why?  Because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The boy looked at his empty house where the dead bodies of his mother and his sister lay.  His tears flowed from his eyes onto the parched ground and his world collapsed around him.

Define terrorism.

Think.

A day in the life of a serial procrastinator

February 16, 2011

9.00am – Awakened by the annoying sound of the alarm clock going off.  Surely getting up this early isn’t can’t be healthy! Hit snooze.

10.00am – Snooze button is still being hit every 10 minutes.

11.30am – Roll out of bed with one eye still closed, and think about all the job applications that should be filled out today.  Mentally groan.

12.00pm Showered and dressed, sitting in front of the laptop with the first page of the job application on the screen and rearing to go.  Sipping on some coffee.

1.30pm ‘Name’ section on job application has been completed and two cups of coffee have been finished, the past hour and a half has been spent obtaining important knowledge about the world by reading people’s facebook statuses. 

2.00pm Filling out the “address” section on the job application form and notice that Jerry Springer is on TV, surely it’s time for a break?  Stare at the screen and watch two men fight over a woman who turns out to be a transsexual.  What is the world coming to?!

4.00pm Two hours of trashy daytime TV later; complete filling out the ‘address’ section and take another break to make a sandwich, and then decide to give the kitchen a good old clean while listening music and all of this somehow lasts two hours.

6.00pm Back at the laptop, right, must get this done.  Proceed to fill out education section.  Hmmm a quick check to see if anybody has updated their facebook status, what if something big has happened?  OMG so and so are engaged!  He’s not very nice…hmmm she could have done better.  Oh look pictures from somebody’s birthday party!  Must have a quick flick through.  What is she wearing?!

8.00pm Spent 2 hours one facebook, must get back to application form damnit!  Fill out education section and casually look at the TV guide.  CSI night!!!

8.15pm Start watching CSI whilst in front of laptop trying to complete application form.  Get dinner and continue watching CSI, type another word on the application form.

12.00am Damn that was a lot of CSI, hmmm oh yeah the application form.  Start filling out the ‘Previous Employment’ section

12.15am fall asleep on the laptop ZZZZZZZzzzzzz

 To do list for tomorrow:  Complete application form. 

Procrastination Chart

Disintegration

February 11, 2011

The moment of realisation; the moment the sun vanished from the world and was replaced by a black rock that cast darkness everywhere. The sound of the birds singing faded and then there was silence followed by a piercing scream that came from the depths of the traumatised mind. The heart started beating in a strange rhythm, each beat becoming more painful than the last. Darkness started seeping into the visual field and the world turned into a terrifying blur.

There was an explosion within the brain that disorientated the millions of nerve impulses travelling along axons and caused a sudden imbalance in neurotransmitters. Disintegration; the world fell apart into jigsaw pieces that refused to fit into one another. Another explosion in the brain caused agonising psychological pain that morphed into unbearable physiological pain. The ghosts of a lifetime worth of dreams and hopes left the mind and floated upwards towards the intensifying darkness. The body went into adrenaline overdrive, fight or flight turning into panic, which then turned into horror and loss of control over the mind. Fear and loss of control travelled through every blood vessel in the body, a strange numbing sensation filled the mind and the soul itself cowered into the smallest corner of the body curling itself into a ball.

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